is the question. A few weeks back I decided that I hated the way I looked in the mirror. Really I don't like to see my shadow or even my reflection in a window. Then started to ask myself why? That question begged me to dig around a little for an answer. Here is what I've decided...
I hate the way I look b/c I don't see myself this way. Of course there is some distortion in the internal view of myself. I know that I am not 5' 8'. What is not distorted though is the way I see myself physically. While I think I am taller than I am, I don't believe that I can be a size 0 or even 2 for that matter. I see myself as a tall but 'big boned' woman who is fit. Not rock hard, but toned and comfortable in her skin and her jeans. This is the reality of distortion though...I'm not comfortable in my skin or my jeans. All this digging I've been doing has driven this home, more than ever.
The next question to dig for an answer to is, what will it take to bring the internal view to reality? To stop eating. *GASP* Stop eating! For all you compulsive eaters I know you just asked yourself, "Did she really say 'stop eating'?" Yeeep, I did. I said STOP eating. See if I stop compulsively eating and pay attention to my body, my emotions and my mind then my internal view could be a reality. See I've medicated myself w/ food for so long I knew no other way to 'survive'. Some people use drugs or alcohol to mask their issues and numb the hurt. I use food. So I said good-bye to food and hello to paying attention to....ME! This should be an interesting journey to beyond...
I hate the way I look b/c I don't see myself this way. Of course there is some distortion in the internal view of myself. I know that I am not 5' 8'. What is not distorted though is the way I see myself physically. While I think I am taller than I am, I don't believe that I can be a size 0 or even 2 for that matter. I see myself as a tall but 'big boned' woman who is fit. Not rock hard, but toned and comfortable in her skin and her jeans. This is the reality of distortion though...I'm not comfortable in my skin or my jeans. All this digging I've been doing has driven this home, more than ever.
The next question to dig for an answer to is, what will it take to bring the internal view to reality? To stop eating. *GASP* Stop eating! For all you compulsive eaters I know you just asked yourself, "Did she really say 'stop eating'?" Yeeep, I did. I said STOP eating. See if I stop compulsively eating and pay attention to my body, my emotions and my mind then my internal view could be a reality. See I've medicated myself w/ food for so long I knew no other way to 'survive'. Some people use drugs or alcohol to mask their issues and numb the hurt. I use food. So I said good-bye to food and hello to paying attention to....ME! This should be an interesting journey to beyond...
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