Today is 30 days paleo. I've made it 30 days w/o sugar or junk food or any carbs. I have had a few temptations, but didn't give in to them. Most the time it was a fleeting desire. Like when the doughnuts we got for my daughters soccer party smelled so good!! The maple bar was light, fluffy and airy as always. Slathered in the just the perfect amount of maple frosting. They smelled heavenly!! Then I thought of how crapy I'd feel after eating it. Decided it wasn't worth. Plus my 30 days wasn't up...it had only been 20 day at that point.
Now 30 days 'clean', as they call it, I really am evaluating if eating something is worth it or not. I don't EVER want to go back to feeling the way I felt. EVER!!! So sticking to Paleo no matter what is going to be it for me. There is a whole list of the changes Paleo has brought to my life. However, I am too tired right now to list them. That's another entry soon...
Until then take care of yourself by eating well!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Long time coming...
Well back in Oct. 2010 I started to want to take care of me. Really I did start, but like most things I start they get put aside because of something else. At first I did really well. I wrote down what I was putting into my mouth and always asked if I were hungry or just trying to feed an emotion. That lasted so long before I once again let go of control. It's kind of like riding a bike. When you fall off you have to get back up and ride again. However, I wasn't getting back up. I let discouragement take over and win. For a long time. To the tune of 20+ pounds! Needless to say I was VERY uncomfortable in my skin and my clothes!!
Life happens. Good, bad or indifferent it happens! Well life happened to me and I didn't deal. Not well anyway. Personally things have been hard financially. Each month is a struggle. This adds stress into my life. Lots of it! Hubby is trying really hard to keep is business afloat and in the 'game'. Which means a lot of hours put in. Par for course when you own your own business. However, that leaves me as a single parent for 5-6 days at a time. That's hard when you're already dealing with a lot of stress. At some point I kind of lost it. Kind of is an understatement. I went to a very dark place. Really I should have been committed or at least been seeing a psychiatrist. I only did what had to be done. Made sure the kids were fed, bathed and clothed. Also made sure they still had contact with friends. However, I shut off. I was numb. I remember thinking that it was weird to not feel anything. I didn't want to do anything! Didn't want to get out of bed, shower, eat. Yeah, I said I didn't want to eat! However, when the hunger struck me I made up for the lack of eating. Hubby knew it was a dark time. He always made sure to ask how I was and what he could do.
One day during this time I just decided I wasn't going to be like that anymore. So I started to do things to get me out of that space. First, I began taking my medication for the PMDD again. I've made sure to take it every day I am suppose to. Then, I began hanging out with a girlfriend pretty regularly and talking about it. There wasn't a lot of emotion at first, but slowly it has come back. I wouldn't say my emotions are back to normal yet, but they are getting there.
If you are someone who knows me and are reading this. Don't be shocked at all that you had no clue. My own Mom and Mom-in-law had no clue and talked to me on a regular basis. If I didn't want you to know...you didn't. As a child I wore a mask and told everyone things were fine. I have no trouble doing it now. It's not totally honest, but really do you want to know the dark parts of anyone? Very few people I know are willing to walk the dark path with someone. Most people run the other way.
Part of my decision to change was because my family was dealing with a lot of stress from my brother. He had been acting strange and having these great mood swings. One minute happy, overly happy, and the next enraged. He had lost a lot of weight and was talking nonstop. He was very discontent with everything and all over the place. It was very difficult to see him in that state. I felt helpless. I also realized that I had to get myself back together to be there for him, his wife and my mom. He started seeing a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with hypomanic bipolar. It was like someone threw the missing piece of a puzzle onto the table. Everything fit and made sense after his diagnosis.
He is medicated now and doing really well. His wife, my mom and I are taking a class with NAMI to learn about mental diseases. Our goal is to be the best support system he can have. We all want to see him doing well and living a healthy life. Currently that is what we are seeing and I am thankful!
As my girls started back to school I decided to start walking again. After the first few times I found my stride again. It was great! Then my Mother-in-law offered me the chance to do a personal training group with her and my sister-in-law. I jumped right on it. Trouble is this trainer requires you to do the Paleo diet. If you don't know what Paleo is, it's a simple diet. You don't eat it if you couldn't have hunted and gathered it in the caveman era. No calorie counting, no food journaling. Just eating healthy foods to feed your body. I've been eating this way since Oct. 9th. Well I began Oct. 3, but chose to eat some carbs on the 9th and had to begin my 30 days clean again.
Thus far I can tell you I feel better! Less bloated and groggy. My sinuses are clearer too. I won't lie at first it was hard. Detoxing from all the carbs and sugar. I felt like an addict coming off drugs! Oh, wait that's because I was an addict coming off sugar! See, one thing I knew before going to this trainer was that I was insulin resistant and my estrogen was too high and testosterone was too low. Which explains the PMDD. Both explain the excessive weight gain and depression. While I've not lost a ton of weight, yet, I feel better! This month when my cycle occurred I didn't have to dope up on ibuprofen. In fact I didn't take ANY! Which is unusual for me. I still had cramps. A few times I almost did take some, but decided to just tough it out. Now don't think I'm a wimp. I have a high pain tolerance. I'm one of those 'it hurts so good' kind of people. That's why I just dealt with it. Not only did I notice a marked improvement with my cycle, but my face is clearer. So over all this past 24 days has been good. I'm looking forward to what the next 30 have in store for me. I'll keep posting more regularly throughout this leg of my journey...
Life happens. Good, bad or indifferent it happens! Well life happened to me and I didn't deal. Not well anyway. Personally things have been hard financially. Each month is a struggle. This adds stress into my life. Lots of it! Hubby is trying really hard to keep is business afloat and in the 'game'. Which means a lot of hours put in. Par for course when you own your own business. However, that leaves me as a single parent for 5-6 days at a time. That's hard when you're already dealing with a lot of stress. At some point I kind of lost it. Kind of is an understatement. I went to a very dark place. Really I should have been committed or at least been seeing a psychiatrist. I only did what had to be done. Made sure the kids were fed, bathed and clothed. Also made sure they still had contact with friends. However, I shut off. I was numb. I remember thinking that it was weird to not feel anything. I didn't want to do anything! Didn't want to get out of bed, shower, eat. Yeah, I said I didn't want to eat! However, when the hunger struck me I made up for the lack of eating. Hubby knew it was a dark time. He always made sure to ask how I was and what he could do.
One day during this time I just decided I wasn't going to be like that anymore. So I started to do things to get me out of that space. First, I began taking my medication for the PMDD again. I've made sure to take it every day I am suppose to. Then, I began hanging out with a girlfriend pretty regularly and talking about it. There wasn't a lot of emotion at first, but slowly it has come back. I wouldn't say my emotions are back to normal yet, but they are getting there.
If you are someone who knows me and are reading this. Don't be shocked at all that you had no clue. My own Mom and Mom-in-law had no clue and talked to me on a regular basis. If I didn't want you to know...you didn't. As a child I wore a mask and told everyone things were fine. I have no trouble doing it now. It's not totally honest, but really do you want to know the dark parts of anyone? Very few people I know are willing to walk the dark path with someone. Most people run the other way.
Part of my decision to change was because my family was dealing with a lot of stress from my brother. He had been acting strange and having these great mood swings. One minute happy, overly happy, and the next enraged. He had lost a lot of weight and was talking nonstop. He was very discontent with everything and all over the place. It was very difficult to see him in that state. I felt helpless. I also realized that I had to get myself back together to be there for him, his wife and my mom. He started seeing a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with hypomanic bipolar. It was like someone threw the missing piece of a puzzle onto the table. Everything fit and made sense after his diagnosis.
He is medicated now and doing really well. His wife, my mom and I are taking a class with NAMI to learn about mental diseases. Our goal is to be the best support system he can have. We all want to see him doing well and living a healthy life. Currently that is what we are seeing and I am thankful!
As my girls started back to school I decided to start walking again. After the first few times I found my stride again. It was great! Then my Mother-in-law offered me the chance to do a personal training group with her and my sister-in-law. I jumped right on it. Trouble is this trainer requires you to do the Paleo diet. If you don't know what Paleo is, it's a simple diet. You don't eat it if you couldn't have hunted and gathered it in the caveman era. No calorie counting, no food journaling. Just eating healthy foods to feed your body. I've been eating this way since Oct. 9th. Well I began Oct. 3, but chose to eat some carbs on the 9th and had to begin my 30 days clean again.
Thus far I can tell you I feel better! Less bloated and groggy. My sinuses are clearer too. I won't lie at first it was hard. Detoxing from all the carbs and sugar. I felt like an addict coming off drugs! Oh, wait that's because I was an addict coming off sugar! See, one thing I knew before going to this trainer was that I was insulin resistant and my estrogen was too high and testosterone was too low. Which explains the PMDD. Both explain the excessive weight gain and depression. While I've not lost a ton of weight, yet, I feel better! This month when my cycle occurred I didn't have to dope up on ibuprofen. In fact I didn't take ANY! Which is unusual for me. I still had cramps. A few times I almost did take some, but decided to just tough it out. Now don't think I'm a wimp. I have a high pain tolerance. I'm one of those 'it hurts so good' kind of people. That's why I just dealt with it. Not only did I notice a marked improvement with my cycle, but my face is clearer. So over all this past 24 days has been good. I'm looking forward to what the next 30 have in store for me. I'll keep posting more regularly throughout this leg of my journey...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Little Diva Tutu
So I caught wind of this 'win a tutu once a month for a year' contest on Facebook. Hadn't heard of Little Diva Tutu before now. Decided since I have to glam girls I would enter b/c they'd love them!! Then I went to the Little Diva Tutu website and saw all the beautiful tutu's. Oh, how cool it would be to win this!! My girls would be in heaven!! Anyway, if you are reading this go and check out Little Diva Tutu. This lady does some beautiful work!!
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